Everyone knows that’s Shohei won’t leave without Ippei because they are a package deal. Therefore, if something prevented Ippei from leaving, it means Shohei couldn’t leave either.

So here’s the plan: Ippei has 3 cute dogs that he likes to show off in his Instagram. He treats them like family, so if someone can dognap them (temporarily) past the trade deadline and free agency deadline, Ippei has no choice but to stay. Which means Shohei has no choice but to stay and re-sign with the Angels.

You might get into some legal trouble, but I think every Angels fan is willing to put in $5 to a gofundme for a lawyer and to post bail if Shohei is guaranteed to re-sign.