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Mike Trout got me suspended from school. what do i do ?


Last week at my private school the teacher asked us who our favorite player is. A few of us raised our hands excitedly but, of course, the teacher picked a jock in the front of the classroom. The stupid jock said “Definitely Mahomes or Messi (🤮)” and a popular girl spoke up after him and said Travis Kelce.

At this point I was getting snappy and the teacher chose another kid with his hand up before me. As the word ‘Lebron’ crept out of his mouth, my anger exploded and I knew I had to say something.

“SHUT UP! EVERYONE JUST BE QUIET” I retorted as I slammed my hand against my desk. As the crowd’s piercing eyes settled onto me, I shot a nasty glare at the girl who had brought up Travis Kelce.

“None of you know REAL sports! None of you at all!” I vehemently announced. As I began to unravel the sportsmanship, cultural poignancy, and statistical significance of Mike Trout, my teacher marched to my seat and snarled: “You brat! Don’t you have any decency to let your classmates speak without causing a scene? I’m tired of your shenanigans! Get ou-” I cut her off with a logical dilemma.

“You’re a teacher, shouldn’t you welcome the high-level, intellectual feedback of your most talented and gifted students? You should be honored I make time to show up here.”

As she stood astonished, with a puzzled yet angered expression – I began to recite some of the most important and beautiful Mike Trout statistics

Intending to recite the entirety of his 2019 MVP Stat line, I closed my eyes and began singing the numbers. She shouted over my passionate expression of greatness for me to go down to the office “RiGhT NoW!!” Her voice was shaking and her legs were quaking.

Not thinking, I shouted back, with my best Mike Trout impression: “shut up Bitch!” and time seemed to stop. I felt the eyes of my classmates with daggers of judgement stepping through. In all honesty, I became emotional.

Not knowing what to do or say, I whispered under my breath and sprinted outside to the parking lot.

Long story short, I was 10 days of out of school suspension even though I explained everything to the principal. I guess not everybody is as enlightened and smart as I had hoped they’d be..

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